You can see why I need rainbow pictures and cat GIFs from the Internet, right?

(This is actually spliced together from two days - yesterday afternoon/evening, and today’s morning)

DAY IN THE LIFE

4:45am. Hear baby, nudge husband to get baby, toss and turn thinking of all that needs to be done today.

6:15am. Alarm finally goes off and I get up. Trip over basket of laundry in the hallway.

6:30. Shower and get dressed in the finest shorts and sweatshirt available to mankind. Start to put away the clean laundry.

7:15. Get distracted by meowing cat so I go downstairs to make coffee, wash the overnight bottles, prepare breakfast. But first! Feed the damn cat.

7:30. Kids wake up and are fighting about who likes pink as a favorite color. Calm kids, change diapers, get them dressed.

7:45. Feed kids breakfast and make smoothies for everyone while husband finishes getting ready for work.

8am. Feed baby. Pick up banana slices from under toddler’s chair. Press play on an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba.

8:30. Clean up more bananas. Scrub children after breakfast. Toddler has pooped. Change toddler and toddler’s shirt, which is smeared in bananas.

8:45. Put baby in jumper and pour a cup of coffee. Say goodbye to husband. Preschooler and toddler are fighting so coffee gets set down and I referee a game of Knock Over The Block Tower.

9am. Baby is ready for a nap. Dim lights and play the Whisper Game with other children while I soothe baby to sleep. Lay baby down in crib. Go looking for coffee.

9:30. WE’RE BORED, MOM! Get out play-dough for kids and keep toddler from eating it even though we’re making “pizzas” and “cookies.” Keep one eye on kids, one eye on the baby monitor, and notice the dishes need to be done again. Do dishes.

10am. Baby wakes. Get baby, change baby, clean up play-dough. Put on Sesame Street for toddler and preschooler who need a piece of tape on the couch to display whose side is whose.

10:15. Feed baby. Baby spits up in her own nose and hair so run the bath and scrub her clean. Fresh baby. Preschooler (who is not potty-trained) poops. Change preschooler. Clean up toy box that toddler dumped while I was bathing baby.

10:45. ELMO’S WORLD. Thank God. Find cold cup of coffee and chug the rest.

11am. Send kids to the basement to play. Hear a loud BANG and crying so I investigate. Toddler has pulled the dollhouse down on top of her. Console toddler. Put dress-up clothes on preschooler. She doesn’t want this one. Change her tutu again. She doesn’t want to be a ballerina she wants to be a princess. Change her again. Baby cries because she has been left to herself on the rug.

11:30. Hold baby in one hand, make lunch in the other. The over-ripe cantaloupe needs to be cut up. This is hard to do with one hand. Toddler is starving and begins decent into pre-lunch meltdown.

NOON. Serve lunch to toddler and preschooler. Toddler is suddenly not hungry for anything. Baby is ready to nap.

12:15. Baby asleep. Pick up cantaloupe from the floor and play the One More Bite game with toddler.

12:30 Clean up from lunch and get out flashlights for toddler and preschooler. Build a fort at the table and turn out lights. Eat my lunch in dark, almost silence.

1pm. Toddler poops again. Change everyone and lay toddler and preschooler down for nap. Run up and down the stairs 5 times to warn preschooler to be quiet and lay down. Notice laundry basket again. Eh, later. Sit down to write this Day in the Life and drink more cold coffee.

1:30. Baby wakes! Perfect timing, I just sat down. Play peek-a-boo with the baby and change diaper. Where is that weird smell coming from by the couch? Sour milk? Ah ha! Old sippy cup located under the couch from who knows how many days ago.

2pm. Feed baby and do the lunch dishes including rotted milk cup. Pay student loans, turn music back on for baby, run up the stairs 2 more times to tell preschooler to be quiet, quick once-over with a sponge to the bathroom. I really need to bleach this toilet.

2:45. Toddler wakes and starts kicking the wall adjoined to the preschooler’s room, where she has just fallen asleep. Get toddler. Get toddler a snack. Toddler dumps snack all over rug, which happens to be the same color as raisins. Have a hard time finding all the raisins. But there they are! Stuck to my feet.

3pm. Put baby down for nap. Spend a little quality time reading ELMO LOVES SOCCER to the toddler 8 times.

3:30. Preschooler wakes because she had a bad dream about bugs. Read a bug book to toddler and preschooler explaining all the wonderful things about bugs. Preschooler and toddler fight over turning pages and rip the book. It’s a library book.

4pm. The Decent into Madness. This is the hour of the day when everyone really, really starts to lose it. I have to begin preparing dinner, the kids can’t stand each other anymore, baby is fussy, I have a headache. Every day. Just like this. I’m not sure what happens during this hour. It’s blurry.

5pm. Dinner! Veggie burgers, cooked veggies, rice. Toddler loves throwing rice. I sit down to eat – baby awake!

5:30. Husband home. Or I should say Princess Aurora herself just showed up at the door seeing the way the children flock and cheer.

6pm. Husband and wife scarf down dinner, or skip dinner and manage general chaos. Sometimes I lock myself in the bedroom at this point while Daddy takes over.

7pm. Baby goes to sleep. One down!

7:30. Toddler goes to sleep. Two down! (She might be down, but she won’t be asleep for another hour)

8pm. Preschooler down! (But she sneaks the iPhone to bed and is up until 10pm playing UNO)

9pm. Finish dishes and cleaning up the house because if I step on this My Little Pony one more time….

9:30. Finally, sit down for an episode of the Tudors while husband gets to work on freelance projects. Catch preschooler red-handed with phone on a routine check of the barracks.

10:30. BED. I’m tired. Just kidding! I never finished putting away the laundry.

10:45. Bed for real.